Wasting no time after President’s Trump’s announcement that he is planning to turn the Gaza Strip into a new upscale Riviera, we at The Golfer have come into some inside information that The Trump Organization will be opening up a new five-star luxury hotel and golf course called Mar-A-Gaza, to be located outside the newly liberated city of Rafah, in the Gaza Strip.
With the money earned after Donald Trump sells drilling rights in Greenland, The Trump Organization will be building a state of the art luxury resort, which will be designed by the same team which gave the world such standards of excellence as Trump Wines, Trump Whiskey, the Trump Bible, and Trump Trading Cards.
The center of Mar-a-Gaza will be, of course, the hotel, which is planned to be a glorious thirty five story art-deco edifice which hugs the shoreline, designed by the world renowned engineering team of Dewey, Cheetham, and Howe. There will be a high quality restaurant, soon-to-be a three-star Michelin dining experience, which will serve the finest of Mideastern cuisine. There will also be a New York style steakhouse, which will specialize in bigly cuts of beef.
For those who want to go full Trump, there will be a McDonalds in-house, where one can buy Big Macs and wash it down with some Diet Coke. The manager at the McDonald’s will be Justin Trudeau, who will soon be out of a job and any viable employment opportunities, after the Don takes over Canada and turns it into the 51st state.
Guests will have a choice of two 18-hole golf courses, worthy of the world’s top professional circuits – and you have no idea how many Palestinians will have to be evicted in order to clear out the area to get the space.
Elon Musk will wire the whole development so that every hole will be connected to Starlink. And the IDF has been notified so that Israel’s Iron Dome will not confuse golf balls with incoming Hamas rockets.
There will be a fashionable in-house casino which will cater to the monied glitterati of Europe and the despots of Araby – those despots who recognize Israel’s right to exist. And do not worry. This time, the Trump casino will turn a profit. Donald Trump has learned from his past mistakes made in Atlantic City.
Medical care will be monitored by Robert Kennedy Jr., while the security team will be run by the Proud Boys.
A good time is guaranteed for all. This is going to be YUGE!